flailing

I feel like i’m flailing, not failing because fail just isn’t in my vocabulary (how’s that for positivity!!), but flailing, you know like some kind of upside down turtle trashing about desperately trying to get back on my feet.

I’ve had a really lousy two weeks when it comes to eating & exercise. I’ve done way too much of one thing & not enough of the other. I’m pretty sure you can guess which is which.

And I was so filled with determination when I started all this, now i’m feeling, actually i’m not even sure exactly how i’m feeling, it’s kind of a cross between deflated and disheartened with a little bit of annoyance (at myself) thrown in for good measure.

It was so easy to revert back to my old habits, the very habits that got me into this state in the first place. And I know that they say that it takes 21 days to form a new habit, but what if I never make it to day 22, what happens if I only ever keep making it to day 10, relapse & then have to start all over again, like some kind of demented malfunctioning hamster wheel of fat & unhappiness.

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