joyeuse st-valentin

I’ve always thought that Valentine’s Day was just one incredibly long day of torture.

I always seemed to be either single or dating some loser who’s idea of romance was, well clearly they didnt have any idea of romance, because there never was any.

And for some reason on Valentine’s Day I always think back to those days when I was internet dating. The days that I usually try to forget. Because even though my current partner & I found each other online, I found the rest of the internet dating experience to be incredibly soul destroying, heart crushing, unbelievably confronting & ridiculously disturbing.

Before I started internet dating, I already had limited if any self esteem, I hated my body, in fact I hated my appearance in general, & putting myself out there for other people to judge online was awful, not only was it awful but it just made all of my body insecurities feel amplified by 1000%.

And I found it particularly difficult trying to describe myself on my profile, I mean you can’t exactly write “i’m fat, unattractive & I hate my body”, & expect some bronzed adonis to skip over all the slim, attractive, body confident women & choose you.

In the end, after way too many disappointing dates, disappointing on their behalf because I don’t think they expected me to be so fat, not only so fat but so tall as well, I ended up changing my profile description from “curvy” to “overweight/fat”. My self esteem had already been annihilated by that point, so I figured I may as well just put the truth out there, no one is going to want to date a fat girl anyway.

But the thing is, & I never thought I would say this, it really does all work out. You will get to the point where you stop trying to convince yourself that the only way someone will love you is if you lose weight. You will stop starving yourself, stop crash dieting & stop binge eating. You will realise that you will lose weight when you are ready to commit to losing weight, for the right reasons & because YOU want to do it for YOURSELF.

And I wish I could tell that to all the young overweight girls (& guys) out there who are filled with sadness & sorrow on a day that is supposed to be filled with love & happiness, you will eventually find someone who accepts you for who you are, who loves you unconditionally no matter what size you are, & who gives you lovely flowers whenever they feel like it, not just on Valentine’s Day:

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