This may very well be the hardest post I have ever & will ever make.
So I went home last night & asked my partner to take some photos, no get your mind out of the gutter not those kind, but the progress (or day 1) photos that I promised you all yesterday.
And well I don’t even really know where to begin, there are no words to describe exactly how i’m feeling, i’m so beyond horrified & disgusted that i’m practically speechless.
Seriously today I have been unable to stop replaying the moment when I saw the downloaded photos on the screen for the first time, in all their fat, unattractive, repulsive, glory.
And i’m not sure how to accurately describe to you all what it feels like. It’s like I knew I was fat, but I didn’t know I was THAT FAT. I actually think I may very well still be in some kind of horrific state of shock & disbelief.
It comes down to, either the mirror has been lying to me, or i’ve been in such rampant denial over exactly how fat I really am that it simply just hasn’t been registering anymore.
And I wish that I could say that these photos are a joke, & that I had some tool on my laptop that adds 100 pounds, you know kinda like that fat booth app, but the only joke is me & how revolted I am that i’ve let myself get to this stage:
<< So this is what a 32 year old, 6’2″ tall, 131kgs / 288lbs, woman looks like
And I know you probably will be all like “ewwww did she really have to put photos like that on there?”, well yes I did, & i’m glad I did, because putting myself out there for everyone to see has made me more determined & motivated than I have ever been before.