So this whole getting healthier & fitter thing is just so totally not working out, no pun intended. 

It’s like this crazy awful cycle that I just can’t seem to snap myself out of. I’m exhausted when I get home from work, so exhausted I just don’t do anything, no healthy eating, no exercising, no nothing. Sure I think about doing those things, but do you think I actually do them? Of course not. 

Basically I go to work, I come home, have dinner & then spend the rest of the evening on the couch watching tv, then I go to bed, get up the next morning & start the whole pathetic cycle all over again. 

And the stupid thing is I know why i’m exhausted, it’s because i’m so ridiculously overweight & unfit, it’s definitely not because I have a physically demanding job, I sit at a computer all day, I swear the only exercise I get at work is walking up the stairs & it’s not like I work on the top level of the Empire State building, it’s one level, & sure it may only be one level but that one level of stairs feels like i’m trekking up the Himalayas, when I get to the top i’m so out of breath I would barely be able to blow out a candle. 

And I just don’t know what to do, I need to exercise, I need to eat better, & I know that those two things combined will make me feel less exhausted. It’s just how do you find the energy to do something that will in turn make you more energetic if you simply can’t be bothered in the first place?


NOT admitting defeat

Ok so I have to admit that i’ve somehow managed to derail myself already, what a surprise!!

Two weeks in & already i’ve succumbed to chocolate, as in a block of it this week, as in I can hear it calling my name from the cupboard & I simply MUST eat some for fear that it may attack me in my sleep for ignoring it.

And this is the same damn cycle that happens everytime, I eat something bad for me, or I don’t do any exercise & I basically just write the entire day off. Do one thing wrong, oh well there goes the whole day.


Easier said than done, because I can be stubborn. Stubborn as in I will do what I want regardless of whether or not it’s the best thing or right thing for me.  And clearly spending most of this week not exercising & eating crap is doing neither.

Seriously I sometimes wonder if I am completely deluded because how the hell do I think i’m going to achieve a fit healthy body remotely similar to the images below if I can’t be bothered doing anything or making any changes.

They say it takes 28 days to break or change a habit. I say that should be 28 weeks.


some may call me crazy

I want to run a marathon!! No really I do. Ok maybe not a full marathon but at least half a marathon.

Obviously not in my current physical condition, seriously I could barely run to our letterbox & that’s literally 3 steps away from our front door.

Actually i’ve tried running, briefly, very briefly in fact, so briefly it was literally over in about 2 minutes. And those 2 minutes felt like an eternity, an eternity that ended up with me panting like a dehydrated dog close to collapsing in a heap in the middle of a cycleway.

At the moment I am in no way fit for running, not even close, not even in the same universe close, i’ve got fat rolls on fat rolls, two dodgy knees thanks to years of fatness & boobs so big that I would require layering twenty tight fitting exercise bras for fear of getting a black eye or knocking myself out.

And I don’t know where this whole marathon running thing came from, possibly one of those crazed moments when I feel like if I lose enough weight & get fit enough I will be able to take on the world.

on your mark

I’ve started, that’s right people shout it from the rooftops, I HAVE STARTED!!!!!!

After countless failed attempts, a few half hearted attempts & a smattering of somewhat sort of successful attempts, I have finally started the long winding at times upside down rollercoaster called weight loss & health gain.

I know I was supposed to start a week ago, but obviously that soooooo totally didn’t happen. Somewhere in between copious amounts of chocolate & a couple of catered lunches at work I totally forgot that I was supposed to be starting anything.

But alas, I am back on track, which is quite hilarious when you consider that I actually managed to derail myself off the track before I had even officially started it.

I must say that I am quite excited by the fact that I have finally got things moving. Sure it has only been one day, but hey that’s one day more than the no days last week & the week before that & the months & years before that.

So this week to ensure that I don’t go all crazy like I usually do when I try to lose weight, you know like starve myself or consist only on cabbage & water or maple syrup & cayenne powder, this time I am instead taking the ease myself into it approach.

As in I will be decreasing the amount of food I eat, but not so much so that I pass out in my office from low blood sugar, i’m just decreasing the portion size ever so slightly. I’m also replacing most (not quite ready for all) of the chocolate in my life for fruit. Which seems to be working because i’m eating strawberries, apple & kiwi fruit as I type this & I actually feel good about it.

As for exercise, well I am aiming for at least 30 minutes a day for 5 days this week. Last night I walked around the block which took about 45 minutes, yay for me!! Tonight I play on doing one of my Zumba dvd’s, then doing the whole walking around the block / zumba on alternate nights.

So yeah it has been a long & arduous road to get to this point, & it has taken alot of failed attempts, alot of procrastinating, & alot of denial about how fat & unhealthy I actually am, but i’m here now & i’ve made the first step.

And so the journey from Kaftan to Bikini officially begins……………………………………

new beginnings

So it all starts on Monday 7th November, 2011………………..

The day when the transformation begins

The day when I start exercising

The day when I start eating healthier

The day that could potentially save my life

The day that may very well prevent the onset of diabetes

The day that will help with my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

The day that I can start feeling better about myself

The day that I can start regaining some much needed confidence back